Trying to Live Wholly Holy

First off, I’m going to say that this isn’t going to be grammatically correct.  And it’s probably going to be all jumbled up because I can’t tell it in a time order or without using each other piece of my testimony in another portion.  And I’m leaving out little details that aren’t really necessary to make this as readable as possible.

Early life

My parents divorced when I was one, so I’ve had no recollection of them ever being together. For a lot of people, this has caused loads of problems.  This never was my problem.

Elementary School

And surprisingly, my problem starts here.  I’m going to go directly to third grade, then jump back a few years.  And this is probably a big shocker to most everyone; even people that I went to high school with don’t know this.  Prepare yourself.  So uh, well in third grade, I slept over at my friend’s house.  We ended up playing truth or dare and we went way too far.  I’m not going to go into detail, but the fact is we didn’t have sex, but we went far enough. This continued on for years.  Then in sixth grade, he introduced me into masturbation and porn. It seems backward, I know, but that’s how it went.

Junior High

I didn’t change much from Elementary school.  Except the porn I was looking at went from straight porn to gay porn.  Me and my friend continued to do sexual things.

High School

This is when things got bad.  We started actually having sex.  It wasn’t a regular occurring thing, but it happened more than it should have. Actually it shouldn’t have happened at all. And senior year, I spent the night at a church friend’s house.  We confided in each other.  Turns out, we had the same problem with homosexuality.  That night, we ended up having sex.

College

I haven’t had sex since then, but I found out about the “roulette” sites.  That was one of the worst things that I could have ever happened to come across. 

Details

I kind of went to church when I was younger, it wasn’t a big deal though.  I got baptized because that’s what I was “supposed” to do, or so I thought.  Well my mom stopped bringing me so I was unchurched for a bit.  Then at the end of 8^th grade, I was invited to youth group.  In 9^th grade I started going to church regularly.  I said “the prayer” and I thought I was saved.  And I’m not going to get into a theological debate about losing your salvation and if it’s possible.  The fact is, it wasn’t right in my heart and I hadn’t repented. I did get baptized again, though.  I lived no different until college.  And yes, I knew it was wrong.  I knew I shouldn’t have done it.  But my flesh wanted what it wanted.  And I had no self-control.  And yes, I have problems to this day.  It is a constant struggle for me.  I don’t have one of those normal testimonies where God completely delivered me from my sin and it isn’t a struggle anymore.  Because honestly, I fall.  A lot.  I try to rely on my own strength when I know full well that I can’t.  But my flesh tells me I can.  And I fall for it.  I know I need to stop, and I’m working on it.  What I’ve come to realize is that I need to recognize my weakness when temptations come my way.

“That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecution, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

                                II Corinthians 12:10 NIV

So now, my life is an open book to y’all and this is a major, major step for me.  It’s tough to admit.  And I just ask that y’all not judge me or bring this up to other people in public (for those I know in real life).  And if you don’t mind, say a prayer for me every now and again.  I can use all of them. And if you want to ask me how I’m doing every once in a while for some accountability, I’d greatly appreciate it.

And if you have any other questions, I’ll be glad to answer them.  Unanon is preferred so that I can answer in your ask, but any way will work.